Just call me Zoey, My family recently moved to the states and I hesitantly left behind my boyfriend Randy. He's sweet, caring, thoughtful, sensitive, smart, and a mature gentleman. Pretty much the type of guy any girl would dream of. But Randy and I have just spent just 2 weeks of our 11 month-relationship together. it’s hard being in a long distance relationship and I miss having him physically present with me.
I really don't have friends here, Joe so turned to social media and that’s where I met James.He is 6 years my senior, and also a Filipino. Coincidentally , it turned out that he lives near our city. Unlike the the other guys I met online, there was never a dull moment with him and he is a very sensible person. It was like we've been friends all our lives. Somehow talking to him takes my mind off my loneliness and sadness.
I finally agreed to meet him personally after four months and he turned out to be pretty cute in person. We have grown closer since that day and he would often come over to our place and visit me on weekends. one night, when we were just sitting by the bench at our backyard , he told me that he has a crush on me. I hesitated to respond at first but I confessed that I also have a crush on him . He has a girlfriend back in the Philippines. But ,I mean, I was just infatuated , and nothing bad could happen, right?
The next thing that he said after a few days was that he thinks he’s beginning to fall in love with me. I know he'd been playfully telling me that before but the way he said it this time was very different. I kept asking him, why me while all along a voice inside me was saying “now you’re feeling the same way for him too….
Joe, God knows , I didn’t want to feel that way. I though I just loved him as a brother , because I'm an only child, but it was different….. I was falling, I still am. I don't blame myself because James is sweet, caring, affectionate, thoughtful, mature and quite a gentleman. Pretty much like Randy. But I know they're different in many ways. And I don't wanna compare them.
One weekend, he came over and suddenly kissed me. The moment he our lips touched, I saw the face of Randy. I felt guilt running through my veins. Goodness! .Joe, we decided that night that we are making it official even if we know we are still both very committed to our partners back home.
It's been two months and James and I are still together.. Am I so bad? I mean, I already have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend. I know what we are being unfair But we can't really stop this feeling…… we tried to, but we just can't.
Joe I feel guilty, but I still choose to be in forbidden relationship. No one in my family nor his friends here know about us, they know we're dedicated to our respective partners and we have quietly managed to keep our relationship a secret.
Randy knows about James visiting me on weekends but he knows we're just friends. Every time I think of Randy, see his picture, or talk to him on the phone, I feel so guilty. I know I love him, but I want to be happy as well. But I also know that He doesn't deserve to be treated this way. I guess, I found in James a friend and a person who would take care of me while I'm here. I had talked to Randy a few days ago, and he suddenly, out of the blue , told me that it's OK if I find a boyfriend here, as long as I told him. He said At least there will be somebody who'll take care of me.
He said if we are really meant for each other, we will be together, no matter what happens .I feel so guilty, I want to tell him the truth , but I can't. I can't afford to loose him. I mean, I care for James, but not in the same way as I care for Randy. He's the love of my life. But, we're in two different countries. So I don't know what to do. I want to tell him about James, but I am afraid to ruin our relationship.
I am confused. I don't know if I'm just doing this because I just miss Randy or have I really fallen for James. I know, James and I can't really be together because we both belong to someone else. I guess, we just needed someone to hold on to while we're here. But, I am really confused, I don't know what to do.
Please help me make up my mind Joe.
Sincerely yours,
Zoey