Dear Joe, First of all, I am very happy to know that your program is back. I’ve been waiting for this time to come and it is finally happening. You can call me Hazel. I am 31 and residing away from Luzon. I’ve been your avid fan since I was a child with the influence of my older siblings, in fact, Love notes the movie in 1995 was the first movie I watched in the movie house with my Ate and her classmate. Imagine I was 5 years old back then! Haha To date, I can still remember the story of Vina Morales and Gary Estrada in Baguio and it still breaks my heart. I am writing you this letter to vent out the feelings that I am experiencing now and to seek for your advice regarding my love problem. It was 2018 when I totally let go of my dark past and forgiven the people who hurt me most especially myself. It was the best year of my life, I got to travel 4 countries on that year, accepted opportunities at work and spent time with family and friends and really did enjoy my single life. January 1,2019 when I was in a flight from Hongkong going back to Cebu, I was listening to Celine Dion’s That’s the way it is then even cried at the lyrics “Don’t give on your faith, Love comes to those who believe it, that’s the way it is”. I prayed to God that if He will allow me to meet someone this year, he will be the one for me, if there’s none, I will still accept it. I was 4 years single that time. March 1 of the same year, I was tasked to host our company’s party. When the program was handed to me, I saw an unfamiliar name and asked who is Dino? Our HR staff told me that Dino is a new employee who will be leading the prayer. I just ignored and started the program. Days after, me and my friends Ashley and Karen went out to look for taho, then went back to the elevator, then suddenly, someone was rushing and telling me to please wait for him, then it was Dino who shockingly called me “Uy Hailey!”. Then I told him “Di ako si Hailey.” Then my friends started laughing and Dino felt embarrassed that’s why I initiated a small talk to him. When we reached 3rd floor, lumabas na kame and I yelled at my friends “Ano ba naman yung taong yun? bakit Hailey tawag sakin di naman kame magkamukha!” Then Ashley told me “Hazel, nasa likod mo si Dino!” I was really embarrassed because all I thought Dino is heading to 4th floor. Nakakahiya yung moment na yun everytime nakikita ko si Dino. A week after, a friend told me that Dino is single and 27y.o, why not try to get to know him. I told her, I will be turning 30 soon, I’m old for him. As days passed, April 12, 2019 was really unforgettable for me. Our company had a farewell party for our boss, all of the departments were required to perform. After the program, all of us danced in the dance floor then my officemates were teasing me and Dino, then we danced together but didn’t take it seriously, ginawa namin yun para di na kame tutuksuhin. The group went to a coffee shop and there Dino and I started talking. At 2:13AM of April 13, he messaged me thru FB, and it was the time I felt kilig again after 4 years. We always exchanged messages and calls; our first date was Easter Sunday April 21 at the church. May 2019, I went for a conference in IloIlo, Mae told me that pag nagdadasal for partner in life sa Molo church, wish will be granted. So I prayed that God will give the right one for me, if it is Dino, sana siya na talaga. We went for a couple of dates and June 2019 he joined me and my friends on a trip, and I was very happy that time, sabi ko nga baka ito na talaga answered prayer ko. Then after a week, naging kame. I was really at the cloud 9 for a couple of months, many were happy for me because finally may boyfriend na ako. Gusto na nila akong magpakasal and to start my family because they know how dark my past was, they really wanna see me happy.
Our relationship at first was smooth, we even travelled together and made unforgettable memories. Until I noticed that our true colors are starting to come out and for me it was just normal and compromises were made. I started to notice that he was doing things out of his convenience. Minsan hinahatid ako, minsan hindi, pero tinanggap ko kasi there are times na baka ganun lang siya, hanggang sa nagiging often na. I told him, “sabay tayo lunch and uwi” he answered, “bakit? Required ba?” Joe, I was hurt. Di kame parating lumalabas kasi pag weekends ayaw niya kasi family time daw. Tinanggap ko nanaman yun Joe.:( Valentines day 2020, he gave me flowers, and dinala ako sa house ng lola nya and I was so glad that time. Nawala na sa isip ko yung mga red flags. During pandemic, madalas na kameng naka work from home arrangement, ako yung nag aadjust ng sched para magkasabay kame sa office. That time sabay na kame mag lunch and talk about things. I felt I was still lucky during pandemic because my family is healthy and that I have Dino who complements me and sends me good morning, and I love you messages. Iba ang feeling pag matagal mo nang di naexperience yun Joe, kaya lahat ng redflags jina-justify ko. One day I told him “I love you so much, like a 100%” But I got the saddest answer, “Hazel, I cannot reciprocate the love you are giving me” Nabigla ako Joe, pero sabi ko sa self ko “Its okay, nakahanap ka lang ng katapat mo, magbabago din yan.” Time passed, pansin ko di niya talaga ko dinadala sa bahay nila mismo even once, although I know his mother long before pa kame nagkakilala ni Dino. I asked him “Kelan mo ko dadalhin sa bahay niyo? Para madala na din kita saamin.” He told me, “Don’t ask me that, para ka nang desperada” Again Joe, it hit me. But I stayed still and patient. June 2019 birthday niya, I thought he will invite me in their house, I ordered a cake for him to surprise him, pero di niya talaga ininvite and he decided to file a leave of absence sa birthday nya, so yung cake ang nasa isip ko, I moved the date nalang. I was crying so hard, I felt like I’m out of the picture. My officemates saw how disappointed I was that time. I gave him the cake and gifts a day after his birthday and he was happy naman. A week after, we celebrated our 1st year anniversary, ako lang nag prepare ng cake and nagdate kame. Di daw kasi siya palabigay ng gifts so I understand that giving of gifts is not his love language. One of the things I noticed, he doesn’t want to go out with my friends, kaya feel ko napapahiya ako everytime hinahanap siya ng friends ko. It was one of the reasons why we fight. My disappointments were starting to come out. I told him that its as if I am the one who is in the relationship Joe, I am the only one committed. I have several attempts to leave him, and even gave him ultimatum but because of love, I always forgive. I know I also have shortcomings as a girlfriend that’s why I am trying my best to work things out. December 2020, I told him to go with me in my 4 small events, at first ayaw niya hanggang sa pumayag siya. Napansin ko kahit sa mga officemates ko di siya masyadong nakikipagclose but my friends really welcomed him to our group everytime may gatherings kame. We understood his personality baka introvert lang. December 26, me and my friend Mike were tasked to buy prizes for our raffle sa office, I didn’t bother to dress appropriately kasi nga ang dami naming bibilhin. Dino called, and invited us sa bahay nila. Joe, it was the first time he invited me, but di kame natuloy ni Mike because di talaga ako ready that time and super pawis, siyempre I also want to be at my best if pupunta ako sa bahay nila. But still I was happy because sa isip ko “iniinvite na ako ni Dino, at least he is considering that idea na.” During my birthday, we went for a date then went home. He even told me that he loves me and hoping di na kame masyadong mag aaway sa 2021. Then we just
laughed. Days prior to January 29, we decided to go out and have a date. 3pm of January 29 Joe, he suddenly cancelled it,kasi may birthday sa relatives niya, Pinauwi na niya ako. I was really disappointed because I really felt he was not committed sa lakad namin, he could have brought me there sa birthday or kung ayaw niya kahit hinatid lang naman ako, pero wala. Sumabog na galit ko Joe. 2 days kameng di nag usap. He said sorry and told me he cant keep a relationship then I forgave him. February 2021 was very heartbreaking for me Joe. He told me that they have a small college reunion so I said okay he can attend that. Never ko naman siya pinagbawalan pag may lakad sa friends niya, kaso di niya talaga ako dinadala. Feb 14, di natuloy ang date namin because he was not feeling well so I went out with my friend Yna. Feb 17, I told Dino that we have an officemate who teases me to stay away from him, then Dino told me “Kung di ako makapagpigil, kakausapin ko yun, pagsasabihan ko.” Joe, that was the first time I felt that he protected me from others, I felt being loved by him. Feb 21, we went out for a date kasi di nga kame natuloy nung 14, It was a smooth date, we held hands, kissed in the parking lot and hugged eachother. I told myself that Dino really loves me despite of our differences and trials. But after 3 days, Joe nakipagbreak siya saakin sa text. Gumuho mundo ko Joe. I don’t know how to pick myself up. His reasons were: I am too good for him, he is not happy anymore, he doesn’t grow, our paths are not aligned, if we will still continue the relationship we will be miserable. Joe, for the entire March I kept on blaming myself, I kept on asking myself “ Anong mali sakin? Bakit ako iniwan?” I tried to reachout several times but he doesn’t want to talk to me. We will talk personally daw if things are already cool. Joe, I was really hurt, even at our break up, convenience niya pa iniisip niya.LMarch 17, it was the first time I saw him after the break up, nagawa niya pang magsmile sakin Joe habang ako, nanginginig, naiiyak. The 2nd time we saw eachother sa elevator, lumabas siya bigla nung nakita niya ako. It was very painful. During that time, I waited for a closure, but I felt that he will never give me that. So April 1, I decided to send him an email ventilating all my emotions, then he replied “Hazel, I am proud of you always. But this is not what I want, I want to explore myself, I want to be somewhere. I loved you but I somewhere along the way I fell out of love, we cant continue this because we will be miserable, I’m sorry”. Joe, my heart was broken into pieces again and again. I lose 5kgs in a month time, our officemates and my family noticed that I am not the same Hazel anymore. Im out of focused, I don’t eat, I cant sleep well and I am always anxious. One day I saw his mom when I went for a check up, she told me that she was very sad to hear about our break up, she explained to me a lot of things about Dino that were never shared to me. I learned that he is always the one who breaks up with his girlfriends and his mother always say sorry for that.I don’t know if it was his patterns being the one who breaks up with girls. I am his longest relationship Joe, 20 months to be exact. After 1 week, someone sent me a photo of a girl who celebrated at Dino’s house with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Joe, nanginginig na ako sa sahig nung time na yun, di ko kinaya. Dinala niya yun sa bahay, Dino cheated on me Joe. It was really devastating. All of his reasons became invalid. I stopped blaming myself because I know I did my best sa relationship and I was not the one at fault dito, I texted him right away, he told me, “Hazel, it didn’t happen during our relationship” But Joe, di naman ako tanga para maniwala agad. I knew that the girl was his classmate na nandun sa reunion na pinuntahan niya. The girl was an OFW, November pa andito sa Pinas, classmate niya before and some told me on and off ex niya yun. Joe, napakasakit. Feel ko panakip butas ako. It was so fast. Wala pang 3 months.
A day after the girl’s birthday, bumalik na siya sa abroad. Masakit yung feeling na pinagpalit sa LDR. I analyzed that because he has commitment issues, convenient sakanya tong new relationship because wala siyang ihahatid, susunduin; his efforts will be limited to social media. Around March, there were people who saw them already dating but doesn’t have the courage to inform me baka magbreakdown daw ako. I really don’t believe that during our relationship, they do not have a communication. In the office, he always faces down and avoids my officemates most especially my friends. We saw eachother once in the elevator, napastairs siya bigla. After 2 days, he posted “in a relationship” status with the girl at FB. Joe, feel ko tinapaktapakan niya na ako. He never posted any picture of us for the last 20months and inintindi ko kasi di daw talaga siya pala post, and even sa status di niya ako nilagay. Im posting photos with him sa stories and never accepted my tags. Joe, I felt that he never respected and valued me. He even blocked me in FB and Instagram and deleted my friends, Dr. Jade who is our doctor officemate was also deleted kasi close yun saakin. Very insensitive Joe, nananadya talaga. Walang respeto. As if I am the one who cheated. Dinurog ako Joe. Parang siya pa ang may galit saakin. Everyone in the office are mad at him. They knew about our break up because of his FB post. The fact that he broke up with me thru text, publicly announced having a girlfriend in a 1 1⁄2- 2 months time, in all angles, it was so damaging Joe. I am always anxious, I am always crying even though I know it was not my fault. My fault was ignoring the red flags. I heared that he will be resigning soon from work. May plans akong mag Australia or Canada or UK kaso dahil sa pandemic, di ako natutuloy. Our plan was, I will file a petition para madala ko siya sa abroad and start our life there. May US visa siya but ako yung mas nagwowork to go abroad para mapetition siya. Pero di na natuloy, I don’t know bakit nya pinili ang girl, is it maybe because mas madali na siyang makapunta sa abroad kasi andun na ang girl or mahal niya talaga? Either or, still painful Joe. Days after that, my officemates and friends told me that, long before, they wanted to tell me to break up with Dino. They can see how he is not into me Joe, yung mga simpleng hindi pag hatid sundo napapansin na pala ng mga tao, he was never a boyfriend to me according to them. They even told me that I am too much for him, they have a high respect for me because they know that I am a strong, independent and empowered woman Joe, but Dino never saw how precious and worthy I am. Masyado akong nag fantasize na siya na ang para saakin Joe, that’s why I compromised a lot to save the relationship not knowing nakakalimutan ko na ang sarili ko, I settled for less, bumaba ang standards ko because of loving Dino so much. I felt like basura lang ako Joe. I even asked God why did He let me suffer like this? I was loyal to him, I loved him wholeheartedly, what was my fault bakit hinayaan ni Lord mangyari to saakin? Nagkasala ako before sa 5-year ex ko but we already reconciled 2018 and til now we are friends and both of us believed na hindi to karma saakin because we already forgave eachother. To date, I am still hurting Joe. I am grateful for the support of my family and friends na di ko kawalan to. Because of this, people are telling me how much they love me and they are really praying for me. I know God is not sleeping Joe, ipagdasal ko man o hindi, alam kong Karma is just around, what goes around comes around what goes up must come down dahil may inapakan silang tao na walang kamalay malay. Please enlighten me, Joe. Thank you for reading my letter. More power to your show!