Dear Joe,
I am in a relationship with a man I have learned to love deeply inspite of the many struggles that we have been through. Jordan invited me to spend our second year anniversary in a quiet out of town trip. It was the first time that we slept together but I'm proud to tell you that "it" didn't happen. He told me that he respects me and the mere fact we were there together was more than enough for him. Joe, I have loved him even more after that.
A few months after , Jordan started to change. He doesn't call me as often anymore. He would even cancel some of our dates and make excuses. Be it a girl's intuition or not, I felt that something was not right. I even asked him a couple of times if he's seeing his ex-girlfriend again but he got mad and said that he's not. Joe, I did not believe him. Deep in my heart, I knew that Jordan was hiding something from me.
Last year, his application to work abroad was granted. I felt sad because we won't be seeing each other for almost 2 years and at the same time I was happy for I knew that it's a big step towards the fulfillment of his dreams. A few days before his departure, he told me that he loves me very much and promised me that he will be back for me.
One weekend, I got a call from someone claiming to be Jordan's longtime girlfriend. I was so shocked and I cried so hard , Joe. The hardest part was he wasn't even here to tell me if it’s not true. The very next day I talked to Jordan's mom & she asserted that she didn't know that girl. I believed her. But, the girl was so persistent so to settle things once & for all, I agreed to meet her Joe.
While on my way to our meeting place, I prayed to God to give me the spirit of discernment, enlighten me and most importantly, to let me understand what’s happening. Believe it or not, Joe, we talked for 5 hours! She told me everything. She even showed me old pictures & letters from Jordan. Her stories and mine were like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that we were able to put together piece by piece.
It is almost our 3rd year anniversary and his "other relationship" has been on & off for 8 years! I was so mad & all I felt that time was hatred ; hatred for Jordan, for his family, for his friends---I hated them all!!! I even hated myself for being so stupid. I told Jordan about his girlfriend everything that happened. He cried & begged me not to believe her. But deep w/in me Joe, I know it's true. He even told me that I'm the one that he loves & he'll come back for me. He begged me to say that I love him over the phone but I didn’t.
As the days passed by, more evidence came out which proved Jordan's unfaithfulness. Joe, I have lost my love for Jordan. I still care for him though. I don't think I'll be able to trust him again after what happened. I want to break up with him face to face because I still have a lot of questions to ask him
. I also want to be 100% sure of myself, that it is what I really want to do.
Joe, he's due to come back next year. Do I have to wait for him before I let him know how I feel or should I just do it now? I can’t help but keep silent everytime Jordan tells me he loves. He is still hoping that he still has someone to come home to next year. I really don’t know if I still love him but I can’t hate him even if he has broken my heart. I realized that the feelings that come back everytime I talk to him are the same feelings that I realized never left at all.
Please help me find some clarity in all of these, Joe.
Sincerely yours,
Claire.