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Every Last Lie

Dear Joe,

Greetings! I have been an avid listener of your radio program way back my university days. My story started when a prestigious software company offered me an Internet marketing job in Sydney.

I chanced upon guy online who was curious about the Australian Tennis Open, which I was trailing during that time. We hit it off rather well and I must say that I liked him from the very start. I haven’t met him personally and still had my skepticism and a thousand fears to contend with but we inevitably fell in love, virtually. I began to doubt that he was 32 years old for he didn’t sound one during our first conversation. Our romantic rendevouz came to a halt when he finally told me that he was 41 years old. I was disappointed to know that I was having a relationship with a guy who is 19 years my senior!

Anyhow, I tried to put this age matter at the back of my mind. I began to be impatient wondering what was taking the immigration so long to decide on my Visa. It was a very difficult decision to make but I turned my back to this good opportunity and flew back to Manila.

As my trip came to a close and my plane touched down, I exuberantly proceeded to the arrival area. As I was waiting for my family to approach me, someone behind me called out my name and I knew at that instant it was Lucas who uttered my name. It came all so natural for me to have embraced him. I felt so glad to see him there. I held him for as long as I could until my dad came up to me and took me in his arms.

Joe, Lucas and I have been practically everywhere in Metro Manila since then. But Joe. I began to doubt that he’s still single. Moreso, someone who hasn’t been married once in his lifetime. It was during our first date when I learned that he was separated and that he has a daughter. I knew that my parents would be quite indignant to such a relationship. Our age difference alone is enough to bring themselves to disbelief. But I believed everything Lucas said and continued dating him.

It wasn’t long when I learned that he was never estranged from his wife, still very much married and has children with her. I was more than bewildered. How could have Lucas lied to me?

Joe ,This relationship, whatever it is, proves to be an unlawful act of adultery.

I have had my bouts of tears and endless nights of sleeplessness. I am hurt for I have given too much, and no amount of hatred, anguish, or forbearance could ever suffice to the misery and grief that he has brought me. If there was ever a great purpose for all this, why should it be this painful? What could be more disheartening than this? I do not want to start complaining here for I blindly consented to what I believed was right in my eyes. The thought of having been a mistress, at one point in my life, shall forever haunt me.

I am only left with questions and nothing more. A part of me has died. There’s no reason to resurrect anything like this for it perturbs what is lawful in God’s eyes. I have always dreaded to even think of writing such a letter like this.But, If at all, please let me have the opportunity to send this across over the airwaves:

Lucas, Time and again, I would wonder how much I have given of myself without any regret. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. Know that I have loved you in ways that I knew and felt appropriate. I had so many hopes for this promising relationship. But There’s no other way. This time, I will have to say goodbye to a man I have loved like no other. I LOVE YOU Lucas , BUT I won’t .

Thank you JOE for taking the time to read this letter. God be with you always.



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